I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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