someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize