Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
