I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
