He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
