YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
