I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
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