just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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