6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
