Kiss
Puke
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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