I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
