I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
