Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
