I can feel you judging me through the phone.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
