In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
