You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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