So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
