Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
