i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
