is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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