What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize