bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
