i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You can't just leave with hair like that
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
