We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
my liver is dry heaving
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize