i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
