never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
