Nicole vs. Life
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize