i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
