butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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