Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize