Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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