the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
