I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
