I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
3 2 1 whiskey
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
