We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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