"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Couch. On fire.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
