This is not my ceiling
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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