Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
