Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He passed out mid-signature
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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