lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
