Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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