How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I see more hoeing in ur future
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