how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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