I'm jealous of your bromance
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
