I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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