I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
