hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Never joke about your clitoris.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
