I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
