god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It's just like the Real World with babies
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
