so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
