so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
