he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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