did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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