So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
