i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
