Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
