My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
