We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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