You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
