So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize