why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
