im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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