I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
