I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
