Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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