she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
