I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
