last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
