Dual....:-)
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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