just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
