how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
