i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
