my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The best revenge is premature balding
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize