the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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