mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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