I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
