They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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