dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I have fence marks all over my body
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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