While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
