okay pat passed out under dana's car
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
