the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
