They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
