I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
