She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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