he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
