I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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