Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
