woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize