i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
