My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
