That's when you crack a 10am beer
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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